POETIC HUMOR: A MILLION THANKS

I was walking on my head with joy this morning. I was bellyful with bliss that I almost didn’t touch the delicious akara mother had fried for breakfast until she said sternly “KENECHUKWU, stop fingering your phone, akamu gi naju oyi” she would usually call me “K” but you know when your mother calls your full name, you are in some trouble. But I was bellyful with joy. I found someone…hmmm. I have never been so grateful to Mark Zuckerberg for inventing facebook until today.

Have you ever been stung by a bee? You were left with a swollen eye, cheek, lip or forehead right? Yeah that’s right. I will tell you a tale of a thousand bee stings.

Huddle up and listen.

Once upon a time when the world was innocent, in the early 1990s when I was a little girl, there were very few people in Calabar and even fewer cars. When it drizzled, the road would be deserted. My father didn’t have a car. My brother Chuka (God rest his soul) and I would walk to school at Nsusuk Nursery and primary School somewhere around Efio-ette roundabout. Back then, I thought the distance quite far, but now each time I go past there I realize the world isn’t really so BIG, I was the one who was small. Sometimes I would ride on the shoulders of one of my big brothers to school and back eating the colored frozen sugary water we nicknamed ice-cream. How I loved riding on big brother’s shoulders, it made me feel high up in the sky. I was an only girl, that’s what you do when you are one among big brothers. Ride on their shoulders. Life was good.

There was this day Chuka and I went home all by ourselves. We walked by the roadside. I was behind Chuka. I was running my hands along some wild flowers on the side of the road. Suddenly I felt a buzz around my lapel. I smacked it the first time and missed. It came back again. I thought it was a fly. I smacked again and this time I killed it. It smelt quite strange. I shook it off my collar and marched behind Chuka. There was a slight drizzle and the road was deserted. My brother and I were on a slow trot. Then we came to a place where a little pool of water had collected by the roadside beside some bushes. Then…my head was set on fire…

They attacked like savages, every inch of my flesh was ablaze, my little hands were of no help. The more I fought, the more they stung. I tried to run but they followed in a hot pursuit. They seemed to focus around my head and neck. You see I had killed one of their own. Chuka pulled me but they fought him and he took off running. Then he returned, wearing his school bag over his head like an armour, he tried to beat them off but they stung him to the teeth. They were savages, fierce soldier bees, an army of bees, thousands of bees, an entire colony of bees. I felt like hot coals were placed all over me. I felt needle pricks everywhere. Many years later, Chuka and I would make jokes about the ordeal.

While I was being swamped, an adult-size hand grabbed me and suddenly I found myself speeding off in the wind up-side-down. I was flying. the savages gave a hot pursuit. The hand held my ankle tightly. Suddenly I was flung inside a white Volkswagen. A man jumped in after me and shut the door. I remember seeing my pursuers flying all around the car. They were like polka dots of black on the windows and side mirrors. damn Wild assassins!

The man, my rescuer, had his share of bee stings. His eyes were swollen. That is all I remember of him. He drove straight to the premises of the water board. He whisked me into a large office and shouted at some women to shut the windows. You see the bees followed us. They women gathered around me. They took me to a couch. They made frantic comment which I can’t remember. They began to pluck some things out of my head, my neck, my face, hands, they were plucking out something. That “something” was stuck to every inch of my body. I don’t know what it was or what it is called. As they plucked them off, they asked me questions, I remember one of my answers was “Dr. Peter Onwudinjo”. From time to time they would go to the window to spy on the bees.

They whisked me out again, I imagine that by that time my head would have swollen to the size of a giant watermelon. They whisked me back into the Volkswagen. The next time I opened my eyes I was on a hospital bed, in the children’s ward of Teaching hospital Moore Road. Dad was there, mum was there big brothers were there holding a cake, and a man in white overall smiling down at me. Chuka was there too.

Many years later I learnt that my liver had been about to fail (on the day of the bee attack) due to the large doses of poison the bees injected into me. But there has always been a missing link in the story. I wanted to know who it was that had gone to get Dr. Onwudinjo. I wanted to know who the man was that rescued me, I wanted to know who those women at Water Board were and oh that jolly doctor in white overalls.

Many years have gone by, don’t worry my liver is perfectly fine. Dr. Onwudinjo came in time and paid for some strong injections that saved my liver. Many years have gone by and TODAY I found the gentleman who went to call Dr. 

Onwudinjo. ‪#‎I_FOUND_HIM_ON_FACEBOOK and words cannot say just how much happiness has rumbled in my belly. His name is Mr. Ijeoma Nduruee. I have not met him in person yet, but you bet I can’t wait. I wish Chuka were here so I could share my joy with him.

TODAY! I CALL ON ALL MY 900+ FACEBOOK friends to say THANK YOU! Mr. Ijeoma Ndurue. I want 2000 THANK YOUS for my big uncle Ijeoma Ndurue. Yes two thank yous from each of my friends. He saved my life more than 20years ago. One thank you is not enough. If you are close by where he is, give him a warm hug for me. If you are a woman, kiss him on both cheeks for me. If you are a man, shake him with both hands. …and if you “dey find my trouble” heh watch out for Uncle Ijeoma Ndurue.

A MILLION THANKS to the doctor, to the driver of the Volkswagen, to the women who had plucked things from my body. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I would love to meet you some day, to say thank you. Please contact me. I am forever ‪#‎GRATEFUL.

BY KENECHUKWU ONWUDINJO (SHARED ON FACEBOOK)
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