KENOBS STUDIO AND MEDIA ENTERPRISE (KSME): STAY LOYAL: BETRAYAL BETRAYS THE BETRAYER

Loyalty is the strong feeling of being faithful, obedient or pay allegiance to someone else in a close relationship; it is usually prompted by mutual respect and understanding, subjective to vulnerability. Because loyalty is subject to vulnerability, mutual respect and understanding can be compromised, leading to betrayal. “Compromise is but the sacrifice of one good over retaining another – too often ending in the loss of both” (Edwards Tryon).

Betrayal is when someone is being disappointed by a single person or a group of people you never thought would hurt you. According to Emily V. Gordon, “Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it is up to you how much that pain damages you permanently”.

Betrayal is one of my biggest fears; there is no worse feeling than realizing that the one person or group of persons you thought you could trust, have gone against you. There are different forms of betrayal: confidential betrayal, cheating in a relationship, infidelity in marriage, lying, treason, and familiar or family distrust; and I have got my own share of familiar betrayal.

If you cannot trust your family to love you and protect you, who can you really trust? Meanwhile, every one suffers at least one bad betrayal in their life time, but the familiar betrayal seems to be the worst kind of betrayal. In the words of William Blake, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend”… or a family member who has betrayed your trust; when that happens, the trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others, unlike Tennessee Williams who said, “We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal”. Friedrich Nietzsche puts it this way, “I am not upset that you lied to me, I am upset that from now on I cannot believe you”. I am not against their opinion, but I do not share the same thought with them.

For the sake of those who are battling the pain of betrayal, I have had my own share of being betrayed and like Albert Camus would say, “I used to advertise my loyalty and I don’t believe there is a single person I loved that I didn’t eventually betray”, and the great Psychotherapist, Sigmund Freud, concluded “Betrayal oozes out of a man at every pore; if his lips are silent, he chatters with his finger tips”. God did not strike dead Judas Iscariot for betraying Jesus; rather it was the pain of betraying a dear friend and master that led Judas to suicide. “People who committed suicide did not want to kill themselves, but to kill their pain” (Dr Innocent Obi).

Life has really taught me that you cannot control someone’s loyalty. No matter how good you are to them, it does not mean that they will treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you, it does not mean that they will value you the same. Sometimes the people you love the most, turn out to be the people you can trust the least; still you still need to let go. “We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.” If you can forgive and let go any one who breaks your soul into pieces, no one and nothing in this life could ever hurt you to break you.

One of my brother in-laws, my late father’s favorite, was the person who betrayed me. “ Be cautious of who is holding your quarters because as soon as they get four quarters, they will change them for a dollar” (Alexis A. Davis). Like shadows keep more close to us in the presence of light and disappear in the dark, so are false friends and acquaintances who claim to love us but are pretenders.

I have had my own horrible experience to tell; I had to go through hard times to come out to where I am now. It is not easy, “you can never hurt someone enough to make their betrayal stop hurting. And it hurts, in every part of my body” and I have learnt to let go. “Those who do not know the value of loyalty can never appreciate the cost of betrayal”; so if you are betrayed, release the disappointment at once, least the bitterness takes root in you.

Try not to stress over the shady people who betrayed you. I know it hurts but the truth is that they were always shady and may never change their shady ways; and you are actually much better off now because at least you know who they really are. It can happen to anyone; betrayal steams from jealousy.

When someone you feel is not entitled to be better than you are, makes progressive steps, it poses to be a threat to our personality, and if such thought is not controlled, it can negate our attitude towards the innocent victim. Such negative triggers are natural human tendencies that can be controlled if we have built our character with good values and not dwell on negative thinking.

Let go of the past and live your life To the fullness. "To dwell in the (negative) past is to sow the seed of frustration. The past is full of regrets, pity, qualms and failures. The more you dwell on it, you rob yourself (and your loved ones) of the future and multiply your sorrows" (Godian E. Ogulewe). Stay loyal, betrayal betrays the betrayer.

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About the writer:

Kenneth Obasi is a Psychologist by profession, Admin Blogger, Video/Photographer, Creative Artist, Painter and a Business Development Consultant.