SHARING WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Honesty is the basis of intimacy in any relationship — and that rings especially true for marriage. Without honesty you second-guess people reading their minds, and doubt the relationship.

In as much as vital communication is paramount in every healthy relationship, there is a line between sharing and over-sharing; it's drawn in different ways for every couple. Some couples thrive on knowing every detail of each other's' day, other couples do really well by sharing on a need-to-know basis.

The trick is to know what the other person needs from you to feel secure — as well as what you need to know to feel secure.  This idea of information will shift at times but keep in mind that a fluid communication channel allows you to change your mind about what's over-sharing and what's enough.

For example, if one of you has a stressful busy day at work, what's normally shared will seem like over-sharing in that moment. The spouse who just had the stressful day doesn't have the capacity to take in your sharing. So you have to be aware of each other’s stress levels, which can be caused by business, conflict, and or fatigue. You want to share a movie you watched, she tells you “I am not in the mood now to listen to that” without compliments. What do you do?

Also consider your spouse's familial environment. How he or she was raised can determine what he or she thinks is proper to share. Some spouses don't want you going to the bathroom with the door open — or to hear details of your menstrual cycle .Other spouses are used to this and don't see it as over-sharing.

Remember this as you figure out what works for you: "The beauty of sharing and over-sharing is that you get to create your own way of relating to each other," says April Masini, relationship expert and advice columnist. "This not only becomes a special bond but it showcases the level of respect, which is not to be crossed in the relationship." We learn new things about our spouse each time we make effort to share.